Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Bikini Area

By David Knowles

(March 8) -- Sometimes multitasking has its limits.

 Such is the case in the Florida Keys, where police say a 37-year-old woman crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car as she attempted to shave her bikini area.

According to the arrest report, on March 2, Megan Mariah Barnes told Florida State Trooper Gary Dunick that she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend, and that she "wanted to be ready for the visit." So, police say she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat, take the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair.


The results weren't pretty. Going 45 mph, Barnes and Judy are said to have rear-ended a car that had slowed to make a left turn.



A day earlier, Barnes had been convicted of numerous driving infractions, including DUI with a prior arrest and driving with a suspended license. She had been ordered to impound her car, her license was revoked for five years, and she had been placed on probation for nine months.


Dunick told The Citizen newspaper that after the crash, in which two passengers in the other car were treated for minor injuries at an area hospital, Barnes drove for another half-mile before switching seats with Judy in an attempt to make it seem to police as though she had not been driving.

"It is unbelievable," Dunick said. "I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

"She was charged with leaving the scene of an accident," said police spokesman Lt. Alex Annunziato, "in addition to all the charges stemming from her earlier violations."


If found guilty of violating the terms of her probation, Barnes could face a year behind bars.

Well, this might not be a crazy coworker to US, but I'm sure someone somewhere has to work with this woman.   Besides, it was too good to pass up.

Don't you love how the person helping her out shaving her pubes in preparation to see her boyfriend was her ex-husband?  Now that's what I call an amicable divorce.

Missing Intelligence

Are these true?  What the hell do I know.  But they ARE funny - and using the people I come across everyday as a gauge of general intelligence levels, I wouldn't be suprised if they are.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman, KS

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.  It's pronounced "Ledasha".  When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash isn't silent."

Sunday Funnies

More Fail Blog:

*Snort* I can't... *giggle* comment on... *guffaw* this because... * chuckle* I just can't stop... * double snort* laughing.

Please remove non-mushroom material - such as any cigarette butts.  But hey, they tell you right on the package that they can't remove all foreign objects, so they warned ya!

A little concrete burn never killed anyone, but still....

my psychic powers see a lawsuit in the future.

Can I borrow a quarter?

The perfect setup for people who despise children.

I don't see a safety issue here, do you?

Proper Attire (Well, For Hookers, At Least)

Whoa, Dan the Funeral Man really loves us:

I totally forgot another incident! One time the staff was closing up after a viewing.  We had solemnly ushered out all the guests, locked the doors, and began cleaning up.  We were in the hallway gabbing loudly for a few minutes, talking in particular about the grandaughter of the deceased who had attended the viewing dressed as though she was ready to solicit men on a street corner.  Hot pink tight dress that barely covered her butt, big dangling earrings, teased hair, stillettos - the works.  We were calling her all different unflattering names and laughing loudly, when we hear the bathroom door open. 

Apparently we were wrong, all the guests had NOT left the building.  Two were left - and they happened to be the hooker-dressed woman's mother and grandmother.  They HAD to have heard us; and scurried out while not meeting our eyes.  I think they had been embarrassed by her too.

On a side note, if you think it's irreverent that we were talking and laughing while, essentially, a deceased person lay there, well....in this business you have to maintain a sense of detachment or you'd become clinically depressed.

Wow, you guys really put the fun in funeral!

Who knows, maybe she had to leave for her job directly after, and didn't have time to change in between. 

Getting Off In Denver

Computer programmer, 34, arrested for in-flight masturbation episode


MARCH 2--A Delaware man is facing a federal criminal charge after he was caught yesterday masturbating on a plane while seated next to a female passenger. Murali Nookella, a 34-year-old computer programmer, was en route to Denver from Philadelphia on a Southwest Airlines flight when a woman noticed him "fumbling underneath a blanket," according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent Joel Nishida. The woman, identified only by her initials in the affidavit, said that Nookella's "eyes were closed and his hands moved all around his groin area" underneath a "mustard/gold blanket pulled up to his waist." As the woman packed up her belonging to move seats, she "looked at Nookella and saw him holding his erect penis." The woman said that Nookella remarked, "You caught me." Nookella held a napkin in his left hand, the woman told the FBI. According to Nishida's affidavit, the woman "did not look but heard a swishing sound. She thought Nookella wiped something." Nookella's employer told TSG that he was headed to Denver on a work assignment. Nookella was named today in a misdemeanor criminal complaint charging him with indecent exposure. If convicted, he faces a maximum of 90 days in jail and a $5000 fine.

Well, this counts as a crazy coworker because he was ON A FREAKIN' BUSINESS TRIP!  Not a "pleasure" (heh!) trip, but as a representative of his company.  His coworkers must be eagerly looking forward to his return to the home office.....

Swingin' In The Breeze

I worked with the lady who was probably in her 50s.  She was normal in every way EXCEPT.... she had an apparent aversion to bras.  And she was a big woman, with big, hanging boobs.  Every day you could see her shaking like Jello as she walked; mind you, the Jello was somewhere around her waist.

The funniest part involved our communal office printer.  If you sent something to it to print, you could hear if it jammed.  When this would happened to our bra-less buddy, she would take off running at high speed to save her document, her boobs flapping in the wind.

She's lucky she didn't get a black eye from one o' those babies!

Thanks to Linsey, for this rather disturbing image.

Beauty Queen Brilliance

I found this hysterically funny, so I had to share.  My favorite is Miss Panama...who knew Confucius invented confusion? Ya learn something new everyday.


Lauren Caitlin Upton - Miss Teen South Carolina

Response to why 1/5 Americans can't locate the U.S. on a map: "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

Carrie Prejean - Miss California

On whether or not God opposes breast implants: "No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants."

Nadine Tanega - Miss Hawaii

At Miss World American 1992: "We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of... Hawaii... to the beautiful sandy beaches of... Hawaii... America is our home."

Jeannie Anderson - Miss Philippines

Question: Would you rather be more smart, or more beautiful? "Well, I'd rather choose to be beautiful, um because, to be beautiful it's natural. But being smart you can learn... you can learn, um a lot of things... a lot of things from the experience... you can learn from a lot of things being smart."

Alicia-Minique Blanco - Miss Arizona

Should the U.S. have universal health care as a right of citizenship? "I think this is an issue of integrity regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on. I was raised in a family to know right from wrong and politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right its an issue of integrity, no matter what your opinion is, and I say that with the utmost conviction."

The Pearl Harbor Girl

What is the most important event in our nation's history? "In my opinion, Pearl Harbor which occurred on December 7, 1941 was the most significant event in our nation's history because [long pause] because it ended the great depression and forced us into the World War II, and... [long pause] ...And our country experienced patriotism and unity."

Miss Panama

Explain the Confucius quote "Learning without thought is labor lost": "Good evening, Panama. Confucius was one of whom invented confusion and that's why, uhh... One of the most ancient, he was one of the Chinese.... Japanese who were one of the most ancient. Thank you."